


Don't Let The Kaiju Smash The Jaeger

by foobar137



Category: Pacific Rim (2013), The Pigeon Series - Mo Willems
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Children's Literature, Crack, Gen, POV Second Person, Serious Crack, The Author's Head Is A Strange And Unhealthy Place
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-03
Updated: 2013-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-22 06:38:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/910088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foobar137/pseuds/foobar137
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A children's book about the baby kaiju. All it wants to do is smash the jaeger. Can you tell it no?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Let The Kaiju Smash The Jaeger

**Author's Note:**

> Part of me feels I should apologize to Mo Willems for this.
> 
> Part of me wishes I could draw well enough to illustrate it.
> 
> Instead, I’ll just inflict it on all of you.

“Hi, We’re the jaeger pilots. Listen, I’ve got to leave for a little while, so can you watch things for us until we get back? Thanks. Oh, and remember:

“Don’t Let The Kaiju Smash The Jaeger.”

With those words, the jaeger pilots headed out.

A baby kaiju poked its blue-veined head in. The words appeared in your head as it rumbled.

_I thought they’d never leave._

Cautiously, it stared at you for a moment.

_Hey, can I smash the jaeger?_

It put its tentacles together as if to beg.

_Please?_

_I’ll be careful not to hurt anything else._

It put a tentacle up to its mouth in thought.

_I tell you what: I’ll just ding it a bit._

_My mom Otachi smashes jaegers almost every day! True story._

The kaiju gave you an annoyed glare, then began acting out what it would like to do.

_BANG SMASH BANGY CRASH SMASH! KAIJU ON THE LOOSE!_

_No?_

Disappointed, what passed for its shoulders slumped.

_I never get to do_ **_anything_ ** _!_

A sudden idea came to it, and it gave a cheerful grumble.

_Hey, I’ve got an idea. Let’s play “Smash the Jaeger”! I’ll go first!_

Quickly, it cycled through a bunch of emotions.

_Come on, just once upside the head!_

_I’ll be your best friend!_

_How ‘bout I give you five skin mites?_

_No fair._

_I bet your mom would let me._

_What’s the big deal!?_

_It’s just a jaeger!!!_

_I have dreams, you know._

_Fine._

It jumped up and down, its thought a scream in your head.

_LET ME SMASH THE JAEGER!_

Frustrated, the baby kaiju sat and seethed as the jaeger pilots returned.

“We’re back! You didn’t let the kaiju smash the jaeger, did you? Great! Thanks a lot.” With that, they climbed into the jaeger and stomped off.

Looking around, the kaiju saw Hannibal Chau. _Hey...._

**Author's Note:**

> Somebody stop me before I write _The Kaiju Wants A Puppy_.


End file.
